


The God That Fell From Grace

by SkatesOnCrack (ClaireOShea)



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Injury, knife shoes appreciation society
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-13 06:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15358635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireOShea/pseuds/SkatesOnCrack
Summary: Yuzuru sat in the kiss and cry, awaiting the marks from the judges that would confirm the inevitable. His time in the world of elite figure skating, his time at the top, was coming to an end.





	1. The Place For Tears

**Author's Note:**

> Brief mentions of the 2014 Cup of China incident, nothing major enough to warrant tagging though. Big thanks to IvyPrincess and Shomaun_ho for beta-ing this for me.

Inadequate. That was a term that threw itself around inside Yuzuru's head fairly often, especially when it came to his performances in competitions. It was also a mood he had felt brewing on countless occasions, but he had never felt it as strongly as he did right now. Yuzu clenched his fists together, tight enough for the tips of his fingers to start turning white.

He was at the Grand Prix Final, but not in the position he wished to be, at the top of podium where he usually found himself. This was the first time he competed in the Grand Prix final without placing first in years, but also the first time he found himself off the podium completely. To add insult to injury, he was dead last after a somewhat disappointing short program and a completely abysmal free skate. The worst part was he had no idea what caused it. There was no feeling of 'being off', something every skater has had at least once in their career; Yuzuru had actually been fine during all official practices, landing all of his jumps and making no major mistakes on his other elements. The 6 minute warm-ups before competition skates proved fruitful as well. He just failed in a rather spectacular fashion where it mattered most, and with no idea of what the causes of such mistakes were. He was clueless as to how to fix it, which is what bothered him the most.

This was also the first time in an eternity that he had shed tears in the kiss and cry for a reason other than glee. Being absolutely overcome with joy about setting a new scoring record and expelling that happiness through weeping. It was quite the opposite. Everyone talks about skaters achieving a season's or even a career's best, but no one gives that same light to a skater's worst. Yuzuru's showing at the competition was not only his season's worst, but his career worst as well. Worse than 2016 Worlds in Boston where he choked up in the free skate and took silver when everyone expected him to take the title back and he beat himself up over it for weeks. Even worse than 2014 Cup of China, where he had the infamous collision with Han Yan during warm-ups and skated his Phantom of the Opera program with a bandage wrapped around his head. The feeling of weakness that overcame him when he left the ice and found himself hanging over his coach's shoulder, demanding support to stumble his way to the kiss and cry. None of those feelings back then held even a candle to the emotions that were erupting through him now.

"It's okay, Yuzu, you may be disappointed in yourself, and I won't say that feeling is invalid, but every skater has a bad day, has a bad performance. Just practice and you'll redeem yourself at the next competition." Both Brian and Tracy parroted the same message, albeit in differently worded packages, to him. He wasn't being told anything he didn't already know. Not every skater gives a perfectly clean performance every time, and that's to be expected because if they were all perfect all the time, then they wouldn't be human. Yuzuru had had off days before and knew how they felt and the one thing that he knew was that it felt different this time. Whenever he tanked a performance, it was usually the short program, and he redeemed himself in the free skate, or if he didn't do as well as he'd hoped in the free skate he'd have his performance during the short program to pick up the slack. If neither of those things happened, worst case scenario was that he got silver. None of those things happened this time around though. It was just as uncommon for a skater to perform so subpar in both of their programs as it was for lightning to strike the same place twice, but here Yuzuru was serving as a lightning rod. In every competition he'd participated in the past few seasons, including two separate Olympic Games, he hadn't placed under second, so to finish not only off the podium but dead last at a competition wasn't only a disappointment, it was an utter disgrace that spit in the face of everything he'd accomplished in his career thus far.

With a collection of hand gestures, the Japanese skater excused himself to the dressing rooms for a moment alone. He knew it was rude to leave during the medal ceremony, the skaters who had medaled getting the recognition and attention for their performance that they rightfully earned and deserved, but at the same time he didn't want to potentially take attention away from them while he held a pity party for himself. He wouldn’t put it past the media to try to take photos of him while he wasn't in his best state, to say the least. Yuzuru just wanted the cameras to be off of him while he was in his moment of weakness, with no photographers to document his declining mental state.

With his Winnie the Pooh tissue box clutched in his grasp, he fled backstage and into the locker rooms to be alone with himself, the last person he wanted to be with, yet the only one at the same time. He was the only person who understood what was going through his head, and he was the only person who could help himself. He'd gotten through slumps and come out on top again multiple times before. Surely, he could do it again. Right?

Yuzuru swiftly tore tissues from the top of his Pooh-dressed box to wipe the tears that had resumed pouring from his eyes, only for them to be quickly replaced with more. His cries turned into hydra heads; cut off one and two came back. 

 _But what if I can't?_ The idea tossed itself around his head. Getting back up to the top of the mountain and redeeming oneself had a great payoff, but the journey there was extremely taxing. Yuzuru had played this game so many times before. He honestly didn't know if he had the energy in him to play another round again.

Perhaps this was the beginning of the end for Yuzuru, his reign as king in men's figure skating coming to an end, the crown demanding to be passed on to the next heir, having sat on his own head for far too long.

 


	2. The Weight of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This can’t be real, this is just some twisted dream,” he thought to himself. He ran the palms of his hands over his eyes, rubbing his face, pinching himself, anything to get out of this nightmare but his attempts were in vain. 
> 
> The weight of Yuzuru's world came crashing down around him.

Four Continents came and went and now the skating season was drawing up loose ends, the last group of the free skate of the men's portion of the event, and for the first time in awhile, Yuzuru felt confident in his abilities. The short program he delivered the other day received a score of over 100 points. While it wasn't a record-breaking performance, it was enough to assure him that he hadn't lost his groove, that he still had it in him. It was enough to restore his confidence in his abilities, and that's something he needed so desperately, after the less than ideal performance at the Grand Prix Final and rejecting the invitation to represent Japan at Four Continents, wounds still fresh and demanding to not have salt rubbed in them. This was his time though, the moment for him to solidify his return, that he has returned back to the top of the mountain and was staking his claim again.

"Next on the ice, representing Japan, Yuzuru Hanyu," the words boomed over the sound system. The man in question slid the purple and green tinted guards off his blades and stepped foot in the rink, gliding to starting position and making quick work of it, refusing to allow himself to make the mistake of getting penalized for a late start. His goal was to make the podium, it didn't even have to be gold but just  _ something _ to proudly dangle from his neck, and to have a shot at a new medal, he had to be perfect, as clean a skate as he could possibly deliver.

He took one last moment to drink in the attention the audience was giving him, soaking in every hoot, holler, and cheer. This was his beverage of choice. The first notes of his program music began playing over the speakers and he was off, speeding across the rink to gain enough momentum to launch himself into his first jump, the quad lutz. It was risky but if it wouldn't pay off in the end, he wouldn't have it in his program layout. Worse comes to worse, if he fell on it he'd have the rest of the program to make up for it.

In a matter of seconds, the Japanese skater shifts his weight to the right, to get the right edge, and digs his toepick into the ice to launch himself up and rotate. He gets all the rotations in but his axis goes off-kilter and he lands two-footed, a sharp pain now piercing through Yuzuru's right ankle, one that refused to go away after a handful more elements were completed, the ache not only persisting but actively getting worse.

_ I must continue, _ the voice in his head insisted, and Yuzu gave in to its demands one last time. He knew that if he felt continuing with the program would cause further bodily harm, he was welcome to stop, skate to the door of the rink and step off the ice, a nonverbal withdraw from competition. He's skated through worse than this though, winning his first medal at Worlds on a sprained ankle, winning silver at Worlds in Boston on a less than perfect ankle, and defending his Olympic title while still recovering from what would usually be a career-ending ankle injury. If he could do all that, then surely the feeling of pins and needles in his foot would hardly be a challenge.  _ Just focus on the next few elements, and the music will be done in no time. _

Continue on he did, slipping up on parts of his step sequence and travelling on some of his spins, but nothing extremely detrimental to his potential at getting the podium. Yuzuru still had a chance, one that he held tight in his grip and refused to let slip from his palm. He not only wanted this, but felt it was something he absolutely needed. Show the world once and for all again that he was not to be counted out, and to do so on the largest stage currently at his disposal. 

He moves himself into a backwards skating position, readying for a takeoff into his last jumping pass, in the program, the quad sal. Yuzuru leaps up into the air, tightening his arms around his chest, then everything went black and agony throbbed through him, from his head, especially his head, to his toes.

There was a gasp from the audience then the arena went dead silent, quiet enough for a pin drop to be heard. Yuzuru was on the ice, face down, and showing no sign of getting up on his own. When he went to land his salchow, his axis got tilted, came down at an unsalvageable angle, and his knee seemed to give out on him. Once the skate blade hit the ice, the skater's frame came down with it and collided onto the ice.

It took an uncomfortably long time for medical personnel to realize what was going on and respond to the incident, a span that would rival that of the Cup of China incident.

Yuzuru Hanyu of Japan, forced to withdraw from competition due to injury, disqualified for failing to complete his free skate. The announcement, though expected, was still shocking. It was uncommon for an incident of this nature to happen, let alone to someone whose name carried as much weight as Yuzuru's. The only reaction that rivaled that of the audience was Yuzuru's own when the news was broken to him, hours after the event had concluded when he had finally regained consciousness. A plethora of emotions bubbled up inside him in response, being expelled through tears and throwing everything he could find in sight. Not only had he crashed and been disqualified from the event, his last chance at redemption being forcefully ripped from his grasp, but he'd suffered a dislocated knee, which had been put back into place, and a concussion. That was the least of his problems though.

"A ligament in your right ankle tore, one that had previously been affected by injury. Continuing to compete would be detrimental to your health. It is advised that you consider retiring from competitive figure skating." The news hit him like a truck. This was the first time he'd sustained an injury where he was not only encouraged to consider retiring due to the severity of it, but also the first time doctors shook their heads and were reluctant to work with him. There was nothing they could do to help him get to a state where he could compete again in even a moderately healthy state.

_ “This can’t be real, this is just some twisted dream _ ,” he thought to himself. He ran the palms of his hands over his eyes, rubbing his face, pinching himself, anything to get out of this nightmare but his attempts were in vain. 

The weight of Yuzuru's world came crashing down around him. He'd failed to achieve his goal of the podium, to get the redemption from the Grand Prix he so wanted. He'd failed his country, his performance and withdrawal jeopardizing Japan's three spots for representatives in the men's discipline. His body had succumbed to the pressure, and his career came to a sudden end.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to send your tears to me! You should also join my figure skating discord server where we talk about the sport in general and wake up at fuck o'clock in the morning to group watch ice shows and competition. 
> 
> https://discord.gg/7JdaXMW


End file.
